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A hoarse cry rips from my lungs
my sweat-drenched bare skin
shimmers in firelight
I don't know where I am
the deer
Who sleeps beside me
softly licks my hand
What's happening
My soul was walking in a f-fog
the gray shimmering world
I've just left
my heart
I'm still falling
to sleep
softly
into the light of the fires
Are you going to wake me every night
while we're on our
journey
I blink convincing myself this is the real world
posted for dVerse writing Blackout Poetry
hosted by Bjorn. I picked this random
page and let the words speak.
And they flowed so well!
ReplyDeletewow. vivid...love the deer next to you licking your hand...gives it a surreal feel...are you going to wake me every night...makes me wonder who you are talking to there...as if you know but we do not...
ReplyDeleteA whole story in a few fragments!
ReplyDeleteYou took to this challenge brilliantly; & even though the blackout process often leads us into abstract reality, your piece had a cohesive sense of place, a workable sense of mystery; nice job.
ReplyDeleteWow, and speak they did. I MUST try this form. Cant find the right book though.
ReplyDeleteit would be so comfortable to wake to a deer licking the hand... that is a wonderful image
ReplyDeleteOh.. a deer licking the hand. I want it to be real. I like the voice that you have given to the poem.
ReplyDeleteSuch dreariness .. Sounds like a version of Eden. The deer lickin the hand... A wonderful image.
ReplyDeleteThis turned out beautifully ~ I like the soul walking in the fog, and the seemingly dream like reality ~
ReplyDeleteHad a dream quality to it indeed, as bambi even played a part lol my mind went to wearing with the f-fog. Hopefully your eyes it doesn't clog.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful, dreamlike place you took us to.
ReplyDeleteThis feels like the beginning of some sort of dystopian novel. These lines certainly create some kind of mystery.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of the deer licking the hand. That sounds very, very peaceful to me...whether it is the real world or a dream world!
ReplyDeleteThe deer made me think of the Unicorn. A spiritual beast one can only meet in dreams or meditation on the inner planes.
ReplyDeleteWhat a vivid piece. You did a great job with the blackout.
ReplyDeleteFog always creates such atmosphere and including it as an-almost character in this poem works so well. Mysterious, almost eerie.
ReplyDeletethis reminds me of a fairytale, though it also asks for answers and reassurance. i love the imagery of the firelight and the fog...i could imagine such a hazy illumination.
ReplyDelete