steadily she follows the track
seeking light in an eastern sky
shadowy spirit dressed in black
steadily she follows the track
sun on her face, moon on her back
she missed the train it passed her by
steadily she follows the track
seeking light in an eastern sky
posted for Magpie Tales 278
I like this. The repetition seems to strengthen her determination.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting.
Gail, Thanks she is determine following the tracks into a new day. Appreciate you constant support here.
DeleteI like the repetition, too. This has a great flow.
ReplyDeleteThanks - I decided on a Triolet as I wanted the repetitive impact..
Deletenice
ReplyDeletenew post: http://melodyjacob1.blogspot.com/2015/07/white-woodzee.html
thanks
DeleteLovely work ,dear , fsscinating concept , the dawn, my natural inclination is to sunset , because i was born then ....
ReplyDeleteThanks - I couldn't decide if she should head to a western sky or eastern sky...but, thought better to walk into a sunrise..new life...
DeleteI like how each line begins with the same Ss sound, maybe like the hiss of the train steam - and hey, if you miss the train, you can still folow the trail. Good on her for following - as many would just say "I missed the train so I must stay"
ReplyDeleteha - so clever of you hear the "ssss" sound...originally I was thinking of desert rattles..hissing in the darkness...
DeleteDetermined to follow that track, even if the train is long gone. Have to get there, the way life should be.
ReplyDeleteI guess if one has a destination they must follow the path...
DeleteI hope she makes it to her destination.
ReplyDeleteone can hope...
DeleteI like her hat... :-)
ReplyDelete~shoes~
haha - Hi Shoes - that is one nice hat indeed...How are you my dear friend?
DeleteHaunting story...leaves us puzzled...where's she going.... Thanks, Truedessa for stopping by :)
ReplyDeleteyw - humbird - I always enjoy reading your poetry...
DeleteThe middle is my favorite:
ReplyDelete"steadily she follows the track
sun on her face, moon on her back"
I think that is my favorite part as well..
DeleteSeeking light in an eastern sky... I used to do that.
ReplyDeleteBlue - I think you should still seek that eastern sky...it is where the sun rises..Hope you are well Blue...
DeleteBack in 2011, when the docs told me I was really ill, life-threatening even, I went outside the next morning and watched that sun rise. I did not take it for granted, I tell ya.
Deletethat is rythmic !
ReplyDeleteRhythmic is nice...
DeleteYes, rhythmic ... perfect word to describe this.
ReplyDeletethanks I like the sound of that word :)
DeleteI too, like the flow.
ReplyDeleteappreciate the visit..
DeleteVery creatively put together...
ReplyDeleteThanks Tess for the interesting prompt
DeleteI like the rhythm of repetition and the last line is perfect!
ReplyDeleteThanks this form is Triolet and I thought it would work for the message I was trying to convey. Again thanks for the visit...
Delete