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| courtesy of Pixabay |
On a far away ship in the Caribbean sea
in the early morn', exactly half past three
mighty sails quiver, under a Halloween moon
beautiful siren sings a bewitching tune
captain and crew disappeared that day
for their lost souls, the islanders silently pray
written for dVerse
Quadrille #90 - 44 words
incorporating the word quiver
Author's note: I had trouble with the last line below is my other choice. Please let me
know your thoughts.
what happened out there, the islanders won't say
Thank you for reading!
Author's note: I had trouble with the last line below is my other choice. Please let me
know your thoughts.
what happened out there, the islanders won't say
Thank you for reading!
I, too, am drawn by her tune...
ReplyDelete:)
Her tune leaves the listener spellbound...
DeleteI like the rhyming pattern in this piece. A great poem for the upcoming Halloween holiday.
ReplyDeleteThank you, tis the season of ghosts and mysterious song.
DeleteI like the sound of the meter and nice line: "beautiful siren sings a bewitching tune"
ReplyDeleteThanks Frank, it was a bit of a challenge to write a poetic story in 44 words.
DeleteI like the second option as it is more mysterious. Love the mysterious tale.
ReplyDeleteGrace, thank you for the feedback, I agree the second does seem more mysterious.
DeleteThe words describes peace away from the world.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.melodyjacob.com/
Enjoy your peace, thanks for visiting.
DeleteI love ghost ship poems – echoes of the Ancient Mariner and the Marie Celeste in this one, Truedessa!
ReplyDeleteMe too Kim, I can see that ship of mystery sailing in unknown waters.
DeleteThe second option sounds like there is more of a mystery to be solved. Maybe the islanders did it.
ReplyDeleteHi Pat, I agree the second line leaves the ending up to interpretation. I couldn’t decide so I thought I’d throw it out there for thoughts. I will probably change it.
DeleteThat was a haunting story in so few words!
ReplyDeleteThat it tis Matey!
Deletesilently pray... rings true to me. The second makes me think the Islanders had something to do with it. Nicely woven.
ReplyDeleteThanks Margaret for you feed-back. It's appreciated.
DeleteI like the other alternative as I imagine the islanders being part of the disaster... maybe taking care of the spoil
ReplyDeleteHaha - Bjorn, why am I not surprised that you would like the alternative ending. It does leave a bit of mystery lurking about.
DeleteI love the story, and prefer the second closing line. Good job of crafting a mystery in 44 words!
ReplyDeleteThanks Bev, I think the second closing is a win.
DeleteLovely. I prefer the second closing. :)
ReplyDelete