 | |||
| Butterflypictures.net |
Lay a kiss upon my
pillow, drifting softly into sleep
ever changing kaleidoscope, visions of whispering dreams
flutters of hope
butterfly wings, breaking free enchanted flight
Author's note: I learned a new technique tonight a Sijo ..I hope I met the challenge..
..i enjoyed the pauses here with the comma insertions... the whole piece reads so musical and appealing to me... beautiful!
ReplyDeleteKelvin,
DeleteThanks so much! I really tried to nail the form and wasn't sure as it was new to me.
..it's also new to me... i am still learning from it so i cannot tell yet whether you got it right or not... i only knew one thing: i enjoyed yours and that's enough.. smiles...
DeleteKelvin,
DeleteThanks again..so kind of you!
The Blue Morpho butterfly has been a particular inspiration to me because of its iridescence - so too you manage to make this sijo shine.
ReplyDeleteSam,
DeleteThank you so much you really gave me a challenge tonight and it was fun to try a new technique. I agree the butterfly is a symbolism of inspiration.
peace...
This reminds me of the butterfly kisses my mother would give me with her eyelashes as I went to sleep - a very sweet memory for me.
ReplyDeleteHello,
DeleteI am glad I could help you recall such a sweet memory. Thank you for reading and for the reply. Have a nice day!
i think you did wonderful with it...i am a fan of butterflies...little sky dancers...so soft and delicate....
ReplyDeleteGood Morning Brian,
DeleteThanks so much for the support it is always nice to see you here. I too like the sky dancers..like how you phrased that..
This is beautifully penned. I picture from your poem the visions of butterflies carrying a person often to sleep. Sounds very peaceful and restful to me.
ReplyDeleteMary,
DeleteThank you so much for the nice comment. Perhaps, a butterfly will escort you the the dream world.
You take that few moments before sleep to a higher level.It really is a sacred moment! Nicely Truedessa!
ReplyDeleteHank
Hank,
DeleteI so agree that silent moment of peace before you drift into sleep. Restorative to the soul.
I'm sometimes a bit scared before falling asleep.
DeleteI mean, you never know, right?
The Blue Grumpster,
DeleteWell, it is true you never know but, you shouldn't dwell on that and perhaps, just think of happy thoughts before drifting to sleep.
I love the butterfly wings and visions of whispering dreams ~
ReplyDeleteYou did well with the pauses in each line ~ Just an additional input on the third line: you have the option to use a counter theme, on the first part, and then conclude the whole 3 lines together, in the second part. This makes the break on the final line more powerful ~ Good to see you exploring this form~ Well done ~
Grace,
DeleteThis was a new form for me so I tried to work it through.
Thank you!
Nice moments you caught
ReplyDeleteAs you sleep all hot to trot
Taking all in
Surely a Sijo win
Pat,
DeleteNice to see you at my flat
always bringing a bit of joy
I do enjoy a bit of sleep
drifting away into the deep
so many wonders to see...
butterflies have a way of doing just that
ReplyDeleteAgree, butterflies are like that..
DeleteThis is just lovely, Truedessa...whether or not it fits the form, I'm not the one to judge. In any case, the result is beautiful so the form served its purpose in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteVictoria,
DeleteThank you for the lovely comment and for feeling the poem whether is was in perfect form or not it was fun to to write and it is always good to try something new as we learn from challenges. Thanks again..